After Sex, You Talk But He Sleeps … Why?
Have you ever noticed that after sex, a man likes to go right to sleep while women generally want some pillow talk? Why are men and women different in this regard and how can you bridge this gap?
One reason for this is that women see sex as something more than just a physical act; they feel an emotional connection to their partner. After sex, they may want to express that closeness by talking. They may also be feeling especially vulnerable and talking gives them a way to feel connected.
Men on the other hand may see sex as more of a physical than emotional act and don’t need to make that connection afterwards. They may also be physically tired from the act itself. Sex is more demanding physically on men than it is on women; their blood circulation must increase enough to sustain an erection and ejaculation is also very strenuous for the body. A man may also be tired after sex in the missionary or doggy-style position, as he may be doing the bulk of the work. One comedian actually joked that women should appreciate their man’s exhaustion after sex, as it wouldn’t be a good sign if he had enough energy to get up and make a sandwich or wash his car right after lovemaking!
Because men and women are so different in this regard, how do you bridge the gap and make it work for both of you? How do you get that emotional connection after sex without making him feel bad, and especially if he simply can’t stay up?
Keep in mind why your man may immediately want to roll over and go to sleep after sex. The act is one of the most exhausting and fulfilling things he will do, so remember that he simply needs his rest and isn’t rejecting you or shutting you out after lovemaking. You may be able to get the emotional connection you need after sex, not by talking, but by elongating the act itself. After orgasm, spend a few minutes just kissing or caressing one another so you still feel connected and don’t feel as if there’s an abrupt end to your activity once you’re both finished.
Spend quality time with your man at other times so you also feel connected and don’t need to have “pillow talk” after sex. This may mean shutting off the television earlier in the evening so you can both talk before heading off to bed, or spend more time in foreplay so you feel a stronger connection during sex and don’t see it just as the act itself.
You might also ask your man to just give you five minutes or so after sex to talk a bit so you do feel more connected to him. Acknowledge how he’s tired and wants sleep but five minutes are important to you. This can be a good compromise for you both; he knows you won’t keep him up all night with talk and you know you’ll have at least those few minutes after sex to chat and connect.