Learning How to Forgive
December 5, 2011 by Caroline In Category Relationship
We all have personal problems to overcome. One of the problems in many relationships is the inability to forgive in order to move on. Moving on means freeing your self of negative feelings harbored due to being badly treated. This is strange because every person does wrong throughout life. It’s one of the things that make us human. We are constantly evolving into better people if we learn from our mistakes.
It is a good feeling to be forgiven when we do something that is wrong and hurtful to others. This is why it makes good sense to extend forgiveness to others. However, for many it’s just not easy to forgive. We feel hurt, affronted even used and abused. We hold onto those feelings because we feel it’s our right to have those feelings. If those feelings make the wrongdoer fell awful and guilty, well then good. He or she deserves it.
Why is it that so many of us cling to negative feelings of hurt and betrayal rather than extending forgiveness? It’s not because it makes us feel better. In fact, such negative and ongoing emotions are bad for us and can even lead to ill health. Some of us are so determined to keep our bad feelings and make the other person feel bad. It could become a rather unhealthy obsession. The truth is you want to forgive the person but (big but) you don’t want the wrongdoer to get away with it. That just wouldn’t be fair so you keep punishing that person by withholding forgiveness.
The only way to end this unhealthy situation is to learn how forgive. One way is to cultivate a felling of empathy for the person who wronged you. If view a situation with empathy you take in the whole picture. You are able to see and understand the other person’s situation at that time. It is possible the person was going through a difficult period or has issues resulting from a difficult childhood. Perhaps the wrongdoer needs professional help to overcome bad habits.
If you really struggle with forgiving it may be affecting you a lot more than the wrongdoer. It’s possible he or she has moved on and is unaware of your personal struggle.
Your negative emotions may be affecting your life in a bad way. If this is so, you need help. This could be in the form of a counselor, psychologist or support group. Some people prefer spiritual guidance that leads to forgiveness. Whatever you choose, you will get the love and support you deserve in order to finally let go and live and optimum life free from emotional pain and anger.
Ultimately, you will realize that your act of forgiveness is what sets you free. It’s about you and not the person who wronged you.