The Risks Of Being Friends With Your Ex
When you go through a breakup, there is often the thought that you two can still be friends. Most often it is hard if not altogether impossible to let go of everything and begin a friendship. There are several risks involved in trying to change a relationship gone sour into being amicable with each other. Often one of you may be having more difficulty sifting through the remains of the relationship and is still working on their feelings. No matter how messy the breakup was, there has to be time for each of you to get used to not being a couple anymore.
Each one of you has to relearn how to be single, and it takes work and is often painful to go through. Being alone for the first time in awhile can be overwhelming, and too emotionally charged to try to work on negotiating a friendship with your ex.
Sometimes, the two of you may feel that you are going to be okay jumping into friendship status, but in reality you may be stifling all the emotions, until something happens down the road that brings them all to the surface. This may cause an ugly scene, and explode into something even worse than the initial breakup.
When one of you is too immature or too unwilling to let the other one go, they may try to initiate the friendship as the only way they can keep you in their life. This is selfish and will most likely backfire when the other realizes what is going on. Examine your motives for wanting the friendship. Are you playing a game? Are you trying to avoid the grieving process? Are you unsure of what you want? If you are feeling any of those things, you know it is wrong to try to be friends. You are just not emotionally ready.
If your ex is pressuring or guilting you into being friends and you really feel like it is a bad idea, just say no. Don’t rationalize and don’t hedge and say that maybe you can be friends soon but not now. It is okay to say no. In fact, it’s healthy to say no. You need time and space to heal and you do not owe him any explanations anymore. Keep it short and sweet and walk away. You need to take care of yourself.
If you have any unresolved feelings about your ex and he asks you to be friends, don’t say yes because you have some hope that the flame may be rekindled. That will only lead to even more heartache and awkwardness. The same goes for rebound sex. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can jump in bed because you’ll just be a friend with benefits. There is too much emotion and too much history between the two of you for it to work. One of you will get hurt. Accept that the relationship is over and move on. The friendship may just prolong the grieving process.